Today is the D-day. The day we are forced to celebrate. To celebrate our failure as a nation, celebrate the (un)achievement of our leaders, To celebrate our freedom from colonial masters. Celebrating and acknowledging the fight of our fathers, their struggle and their eventual conquest. Nigerians will partake in the compulsory celebration of our slavery in the hands of the powerful. We’ll adorn the Nigerian colours-green and white; attend rallies, shows, parties and all sorts. We’ll post statuses on every available social media, send broadcast messages to our BBM contacts and edit pictures, all towards the celebration of our in-DEPENDENCE. We are willing to hear whatever rubbish our leaders have to say, whatever pleas they have to make, whatever defense they wish to give themselves, just to explain why they have failed us. We will patiently await them and when they do, we will attentively listen to them, not just because we are willing to criticize, neither is it because we are used to the rants, but because our sole reason for celebrating is that we still exist. We have suddenly gone spiritual on state matters, even though we are not Godly, accepted our fate and pray that till the day we die in peace, we continue to have cause to celebrate our existence. Today is October 1st, Nigeria’s Independence day, and today, we clock 53.
I shake my head in pity as I picture a 53-year old, probably with grey hair and still confused as to why his birth came into play. Quite a while ago, someone once told me about Nigeria being a very funny drama. I never understood the concept, not until I grew a little older. I decided to search for the most appropriate synonym of this Nigerian drama we are acting. I’d not looked far before I found my answer. Dang! “FUJI HOUSE OF COMMOTION”.
I never grew up as a TV kid; we were only given exclusive permission to watch the news. However, I saw some episodes of this popular comic soap opera and I strongly believe the title and story corresponds to our Nigerian drama. To further explain my version of the script, I have decided to highlight 5 issues that seem to be contemporaries and explain how they relate to my commotion drama. These issues are herein regarded as scenes.
SCENE 1: The wife asks the husband for the agreed N40, 000 to buy foodstuffs. Meanwhile, the husband hasn’t been doing his responsibilities for a while and the wife has decided not to take it easy this time. The irresponsible husband tries to explain to his wife that he has just N10, 000 to offer and after so much argument, negotiations and whatever, the wife announces her temporary resignation from her motherly and wifely duties, till her husband becomes responsible. That leaves the children to cater for themselves however they can, till their father decides to forgive their uncommitted sins.
SCENE 2: The condition at home is quite appalling and all the kids are quite disgruntled at the attitude of their father. Kid 1 decides to stay with Uncle Segun while Kid 2 has to stay with a distant relative of their dad. During their long vacation, they meet at home and narrate their experiences. Kid 2 is quite happy with his residence; he doesn’t even know his intelligence and expertise is being exploited. His landlords consider him hardworking and they invested in him, thereby increasing his skills. Of course, he is well-fed, has a lot of toys and is exposed to his landlords’ wealth. Kid 1, who stays with dad’s brother is happy for Kid 2 and feels sorry for Kid 3 who, by the way, is staying with Daddy and Mummy. To her, staying with Uncle is better even though they have to struggle really hard to get food. She prefers it to staying with her parents because even though her parents are rich, only Daddy enjoys the wealth.
SCENE 3: Daddy is a northerner and Mummy is from the South. Due to this, Daddy has decided that everybody is allowed to choose the tribe and religion they want. To him, these are things that shouldn’t cause fight. Musa and Usman are Muslims like their dad; Victor and Lanre are Christians like mummy while Bolu is indifferent and doesn’t even believe God exists. As they grow, Victor and Lanre start getting rebellious towards daddy for not satisfying their wants. Mummy intervenes and after so much persuasion, they are granted fatherly pardon and they still remain part of the family. Later on, Musa realizes that Daddy hasn’t changed and continues his brother’s fights. He has anger issues and along the line, he attacked his brothers too. This made him a stand-alone and he was labeled the black sheep likewise his religion-mate, Usman. Nobody bothered about the fact that Usman never supported Musa, as they were only concerned about the fact that Musa used his religion as cover for his sins.
SCENE 4: Daddy wants to buy a plasma TV, a deep freezer, a new generator, a car and still renovate the house at the same time. Mummy refuses to sign the cheque authorizing him to collect the money from their joint account. Daddy then goes ahead to collect a bank loan, using the house documents as collateral and marital discord erupts. Kunle comes home and discovers that daddy just employed a new cook and that makes his catering certificate useless. He then decided to wait, till the cook gets fired, resigns, retires or dies. Tade is quite surprised at the way Bro. Tunde comes home with plenty gadgets and different cars, he decided to learn the trick too since daddy doesn’t seem to be interested in how they are. Finally, he was taught and he had to sacrifice Bimbo.
SCENE 5: Daddy is sitting outside in his recliner; he’s looking at the stars wondering where help would come from. He calls his domestic worker and asks him to silent the noisy, curious kids. He asks that the dogs be unleashed to show that he’s still in power. After a while, he attempts to have a chat with his family, he stops halfway down the stairs, and starts yelling at the top of his voice. He announces that he’s not broke, presents that all is well, assure his kids of a better future and goes back to his pondering and praying. The kids remain silent and unshaken; they can’t comprehend what they heard and how it was supposed to be soothing. They remember the dogs, and they go back into hiding
Notwithstanding my reluctance, here is a little explanation of the scenes, and their relationship to the Nigerian drama.
SCENE 1 explains the current ASUU situation where the mother has forgotten that even though the kids are truly a product of the father’s sperm, she carried them in her womb for months and delivered them amidst pains. To our uncompromising lecturers, keep fighting for your right. However, remember who owns the students.
SCENE 2 explains the fate of Nigerians at home and abroad (diaspora). The kid with the Uncle represents those in neighboring African countries that aren’t as blessed as Nigeria while the kid with the distant relative is a representative of those in countries located in other continents.
SCENE 3 talks about the southern militants and the northern book haram, and how those that didn’t partake in the fight, also share in the discrimination.
SCENE 4 is quite diverse as it looks into the conflict amidst our “leaders” as regards funds, the preference of government to employ expatriates and the youth’s quest to hustle on their own and resort to blood money. As for
SCENE 5, we all know who the father of Nigeria is and how well he reads the stars. I don’t think any further explanation is necessary at this point.
Given all these, I have decided to join the celebration. I am so much excited about the license to play football on a Tuesday morning. Happy Independence! Coincidentally, the new ball has green and white patches. After that, Karikatalk has decided to organize a comedy show for us. This is how a true Yoruba man thinks. Yorubas will say “when a matter goes beyond crying, it becomes a laughing matter”. Truly, “Kwara must laff” at Queen’s Hall, and the whole Nigeria must “laff” too.
“We are nothing but pens in the hands of the creator” and the Pen is mightier than the sword.
…to be continued
Category Archives: Criticisms
RAMADAN 43 or Shawwal 15?
About 2 weeks ago, the information that a new moon had been sighted was passed. That marked the official end of Ramadan; the 9th month of the Islamic calendar known exclusively for strict observance of fast. Eid was performed to signify it and the commencement of Shawwal. Many, including me, expressed joy at the news and it was obvious that people wanted the month to end, for what can be perceived as wrong reasons. I don’t even think there’s a good reason for faithfuls to look forward to the end of such a beautiful month with all of its benefits which included closing of the gates of Hell.
To show that Shaitan had been released, some of us saw a fight in the mosque premises on the 1st night of Shawwal; the day of eid, and a lot of immoral acts that weren’t experienced during Ramadan especially during the last 10 days. For the youths, it was marked by listening to music which we desisted from. I must say, only those who were conscious enough as Muslims desisted from these acts. There were still some, or many, that were only fasting because they were asked to, without observing the prescribed accompanying deeds. Those are the ones who fasted as if they were supposed to please fellow humans, not Allah.
Eid came, some of us wore new clothes, and some wore what they had from before. Some were looking gorgeous and awesome; some just struggled not to look “as usual”. Most of us were nonchalant about the lessons of Eid, we didn’t even bother about what Eid had for us, we just said the two rakats and anxiety drove us to leave our mats and head back home. We were nonchalant about the Khutbah of the day and acted as if the Imam was supposed to recite it to himself. We didn’t even allow those that wanted to listen, we constituted nuisance, reminding those who cared to notice that Shaytan had been truly released. We carried ourselves back home with less morality, than we took to the eid ground.
15 days into Shawwal, one wonders what has happened to the many lessons Ramadan taught us. How many of those good deeds do we still observe? Haven’t we descended so low that our good deeds during Ramadan can’t take care of our bad deeds after Ramadan? The level of moral decadence in the last 2 weeks is quite appalling and I seem not to understand “WHY?” Perhaps it is because most of us were worshipping Ramadan when we ought to be worshipping the God of Ramadan. Or, maybe because we don’t have the “sponsored” programmes that used to serve as reminders on radios and TVs again. I consider this as an issue and I have decided to remind us of just a few abstracts from the teachings of Ramadan, perhaps some of us will learn.
Ramadan came as a month to teach and discipline. During Ramadan, it was not a rare thing for people to say “I’m fasting” not to serve as an announcement but as an awareness to refrain from whatever “not so good” deed that comes to mind. We became so disciplined during the month of Ramadan that we were very conscious of time, especially at Sahur and Iftar. We were present at mosques for prayers at their due times. We were always considerate of whether our doings align with that of Allah’s. We engaged in our daily activities as usual except that we now infused so much of the fear of God. For any society that saw Ramadan, that society witnessed true peace, which is what Islam dictates and how Muslims are expected to behave. This month showed us that with necessary discipline, we can do away with most of those things (vices) that we hold on to. We learnt a lot about self-control, patience and strong will via our actions.
Ramadan isn’t just about refraining from foods, drinks and lust alone. Ramadan put us in a state that can be termed “forced hunger”. It made us realize that we have far too much than we need and for which we’re not grateful. We became equals with the needy; we felt what they feel as poor fellows since we were in the same state with them. We ultimately, gave charity to those who could not afford to leave that state, because they didn’t have the necessary resources to do so. May Almighty Allah provide for them. We were very cautious of our spending; we were less extravagant, dealt with less luxuries, and thus, became less lavish.
Since we were all equals during this month, we were all fasting, stood toes to toes in mosques, shared Sahurs and iftars, we truly exhibited the characteristics of Muslim as an Ummah during the month of Ramadan. We displayed the true Islamic brotherhood and we showed the characteristic peace which Islam is based upon. We showed the world what the Qur’an meant when it described us as the “best of people”. We exhibited Taqwa, the sum total of Islamic life. It means God’s consciousness and encompasses piety, fear of Allah, consciousness of his existence and subsequent submission to His will. We braced ourselves, through hardships and sacrifices, for Jihad on the path of Allah.
All these seem to have gone, we no longer see the very least of all these and some of us seem to be keeping them till next year. We seem to have forgotten that we know not, when we’ll leave the earth. We seem to act as if we are custodians of ourselves and our future. Shawwal is here, and it is supposed to serve as “the month after Ramadan” and not “the month outside Ramadan”. Perhaps, observing the voluntary 6 fasts in Shawwal will help us to keep the lessons from Ramadan a bit longer.
May Allah forgive us all of our shortcomings. And truly, Allah is the all-knower!
P.S. Since I’ll be publishing this post this same day I’m writing it, I have decided to make it the official first post and the day, the formal opening of the blog. Kindly drop comments about the article and the blog so far. Thanks.
“ILLITERATE IS A DISEASE”: Battle between Kettle and Pot
Some days ago, I decided on taking a short trip to the main campus of my school, just to say hi to some fellas (I’m a medical student, so our fate is one campus situated in the bush). Since I had no private car of my own, I had to board a commercial vehicle. The “commercial route” included passing through the front of the Kwara State Government House. On this fateful day, we encountered a “go-slow” which is supposed to be awkward, given the location. We then started discussing possible reasons for this strange go-slow.
When we got to know the cause, it was shocking. There was a cab driver who occupied the middle of the road without the knowledge that there were cars behind him. After so much hooting, “horning” and cursing by fellow cab drivers, the guy shifted to a lane to allow other cars to pass.
Like a true Yoruba man that my driver was, he decided to move nearer to the guy to curse, lament and show his frustration and anger with every possible statement and gesture possible. On getting closer to the dude, we discovered that the man had earphones plugged! *Like seriously…?* This further infuriated my already vexed driver that he sped off in anger while still ranting about the situation. Out of fury and frustration, he DECIDED to let out a bombshell! “Illiterate is a disease”! I agree too…
It probably wouldn’t have been so much of a big deal if a passenger hadn’t reacted saying “abi” (equivalent to saying “exactly”) and the whole car started off on that topic. Typical Nigerians like amebo ehn…*choi*. One said he should at least have used one ear rather than the two if he was going to use (hehehehe…half bread is better than none) and all sorts of comments passed by concerned and well-meaning Nigerians. From my own tiny little acquired corner in the car, I let out a smile that could be easily misunderstood for consent. Unfortunately, it was a sheepish smile connoting amusement. Amused at the way people dish out “nonsense ideas” thinking there’s a good way of doing a bad thing. Some people even said he was trying to copy students as if earpieces are labeled “For students only”…Mtscheew.
I was less busy, so it didn’t seem out of place to analyze who the illiterate was. Since I wasn’t going to use a standard examination procedure and a laboratory, or clinic as the case may be, I left my fellow passengers out so as not to complicate matters for my brain. But in reality, when did it become logical that road users can plug earphones? Especially when they are driving. I disagree with the passenger who said plugging one ear is enough. That shouldn’t be, he shouldn’t even have any at all. But, we are in a Nigeria where we do anything as we like. Unfortunately, this “illiterate” might believe it’s bad to drink and drive. Or he might insult private car owners who make calls while driving.
After my very short analysis, you can’t understand how short it was, I decided that my driver seem to be better off. The “earphone” taxi driver was obviously way out of line; I wonder how he expects to hear potential passenger’s call. Till today, I still can’t fathom what could have motivated the guy to plug earphones while driving. I would appreciate suggestions in the comment box sha. Maybe he wants to listen to news sha…that’s the highest excuse I can give him.
To complicate issues, my very good friend- the errant driver, didn’t even show any remorse. Rather, he resorted to insulting those who cared about him more than he could for himself. Nigeria, I hail thee! Blessed art thou. I foresee better days though
Once upon a time, Alchohol was ILLEGAL..
Can you really imagine a time without liquor? A time when alchohol was illegal? Knowing how popular a past-time drinking is these days, it seems highly preposterous.
Allow me to digress for a minute. I woke up this morning with every intention of lying in bed all day, reading a good book. This was not to be. Daddy left a heap of clothes for me to wash. Aargh! Considering the mouldy smell of the clothes, I think he kept the clothes since easter or something, waiting for Jae’s laundry services to come back home. I don’t know why parents are weird like that. Anyways, I tried to postpone washing them till much later, but you know that nagging feeling that won’t allow you to get busy being lazy when you have something to do? Yea. It got me too. So I finally got up to wash them clothes. Hurrah for…
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al-Faruq 